the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
