I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize