i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
