So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
