so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
