I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
