I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
