Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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