Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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