Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
