please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
