I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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