Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
