Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
