Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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