I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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