after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
