Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
