my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
