Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize