I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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