If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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