I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
