sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
