it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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