I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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