I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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