mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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