His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
