It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't deserve a penis
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
