It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
