She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
