Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
