I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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