you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
