Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
