i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
