So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
