you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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