Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize