She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
