Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He had one of those small greek statue penises
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
