Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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