Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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