I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize