I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
