she woke up with a sticky ear
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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