Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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