if i can run in heels then i can drive
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
