how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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