If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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