never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so let's talk penis.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
