I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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