hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
