She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
