i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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