I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
