Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
