i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
