I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
