Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
