i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
