the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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