can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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