I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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