i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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