I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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