Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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