He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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