You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ketchup is God's man juice
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
