Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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