omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
