If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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