He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
