you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
