You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
