apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
