he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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