i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
