What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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