wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I died a long time ago.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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