Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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