her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
