Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
