I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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