Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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