I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize