Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
