Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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