That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just had sex on a roof
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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