Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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