i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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