Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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