Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
