You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
