I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize