Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
